All Our God IV

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Man Of Steel

Wed, 19 Jun 2013 21:45:52 -0400

So, first off, Antje Traue is absolutely beautiful and her voice is heavenly. but it’s her eyes, man. her eyes make my pants happy, bro.

The thing about this movie is it’s kind of terrible but it’s got SO many good ideas. I found myself wanting to like this flick early on but it just never happened. For various reasons, this thing just ended up a giant mess.

The acting was pretty on point for the most part. i mean, there were some rather hokey parts here and there and a bit of that dialogue was delivered in the hammiest way possible but, overall, i was pretty pleased with what i was given. The lack of Jimmy Olsen and Lex Luthor was a huge blow to this plot but the subtle nods to the mythos were kind enough to keep me mildly engaged.

Henry Cavil was convincing as Superman/Clark Kent. His charisma made that role his. I was a little on the fence about his casting at first but he did an outstanding job as the self conscious Kent. I rather enjoyed his coming of age tale and wanted to see more of that. This movie should have been Kent coming to terms with his being human. all of that other nonsense about Krpyton, that could have waited until the sequel. Imagine Superman learning of his origins, along with Lex Luthor, and having to reconcile his gifts while a megalomaniac tries to steal them for himself. That’s a Man Of Steel flick i’d like to see.

Amy Adams did an admirable job as Lois Lane and, for my money, gave the best performance of the lot. Spunky and defiant, she embodies Lois perfectly, even though she looks nothing like her portrayed character. Lois is suppose to be tall, dark haired, and model-esue. Adams his kind of Super-Average in all of the ways. she’s cute and chipper, not sexy and savvy. but, all in all, i was impressed with her Lois tremendously. Every time she was on the screen, i enjoyed the film that much more.

I found Jor El and Zodd to both be way too over the top. both of them came across as crazy grandiose and too zealous. it wasn’t until the need when Zodd had been broken that i finally felt like General Zod had appeared. This guy was suppose to be Super-Hitler.What i got was Super-Hippie. Jor El was just as disappointing. Ambiguous agendas. non chalant attitudes towards his kid and his dying planet. even as a computer image, dude was smug and pretentious. did not care for these characters at all. that falls on their actors, Russ Crowe and mike Shannon are to be blamed for this. also Snyder. dude is bad at his job.

Antje Traue’s Faora was the draw for me here. she didn’t have many line but, literally every scene she was in, chick made so much better. She was what Zod should have been; cold, calculating, methodical and sadistic. She is what Superman needs to fight. She is his great enemy. Zod was more of an intellectual, philosophical combatant, far more cerebral, but that was lost on the direction. for this type of movie, Faora was the perfect villain. and she played yp that part perfectly.

The overall aesthetic chosen was a little vexing for me. Krypton has always been the idealized version of that art deco,1950s vision of future America in my eyes. Thin, sleek, chromed, and ultra modern, the Krypton Snyder gave me was more guttural and animalistic. The body armor looked like something savaged would wear, not a highly advanced race of scientists and explorers. Their overall look contradicted their stated existence. How can something that looks so primitive be so far advanced?

More than anything i found the pacing to be completely asinine. One minute you’re on Krypton, the next, you’re on Earth, the next, you’re back on Krypton again. Between the spastic and jerky cut work, the overly gratuitous lens flare, and drunk camera work, there is a coherent and compelling plot. Goyer wrote a masterful script. he did an outstanding job humanizing a character that can literally move worlds on a whim. The problem with this movie is Snyder.

Zach Snyder has no business directing anything, ever. Watchmen was decent. most hated it, for good reason, but i thought it played to Snyder’s strength. Dude is good at creating giant spectacles and., admittedly, the set pieces from Man Of Steel were outstanding. Every time Superman did something Super, it was pretty remarkable. However,. literally everything else about this flick was mediocre. What this movie should have been was Batman Begins but with Clark Kent instead of Bruce Wayne. What i got was Sucker Punch with Faora instead of Babydoll.

Man Of Steel wasn’t terrible. i mean, it was pretty awful but it’s not completely unwatchable. if you’re not a fan of the Superman mythos, you might enjoy it. as a mindless summer distraction, it’s worth the loot. But it’s a disappointing journey to get into the thick of it.

NBA Rant: They Got Pop

Sun, 02 Jun 2013 12:17:14 -0400

as we wind thrown the Conference Finals (One game left in Miami) it seems that the East is up for grabs. I called Indiana and the Heat as the final two out in Yonkers, but this is unprecedented. How have the Indiana pacers pushed the heavily favored Heat to seven games? How is it possible James might LOSE before even getting another a shot at Pop in the Finals? there is SO much i want to talk about with this entry so i’ll start there.

Pretender to the Crown

James has played his heart out in these Eastern Finals, i’ll say that right now. This year, he has earned my respect as the most dominate player in hoop. He is the best in the world. there are caveats, of course, (Magic and Kobe were better at being the best when they had it and Michael was the pedigree, all three of which could hurt you in a myriad of ways while Bron is kind of a one trick pony) but he beat the Pacers by himself in game 5. that warrants a margin of ceding. That being said, he still might lose.

The pacers are not playing around. they are mean. they are hungry. They are tearing through the Heat like a ravenous pitbull on a junk yard tire. These are facts, events that have already occurred. see every odd numbered game in this series. if not for two games of overwhelming shine from the King himself, the Pacers would have won this in five. And that’s the rub. Seven is right around the corner and the help is gone. Sure, the Heat will rally and they might squeak out a hard earned win in a slugfest of a game seven but so might the Pacers. Either way, the “winner” has a date with a very well rested spurs and an overwhelmingly prepared Pop…

Spurs in four or five.

Because they got Pop. Give that man the time he has had to prepare and the Spurs are all but bullet proof. it’s a given he’ll out coach Spo, that dude is awful at his job by comparison, but it’s more than that. pop is intimidating with his sets. he plays people perfectly, like they’re finely tuned instruments. He makes gutsy calls all of the time and he’s usually right to do so. Sit your starters because the Heat are assholes and it’s just another game? sure. Everyone is upset it’s going to be a lopsided victory in favor of the heat? right. then the game starts and it’s decidedly not that. The Heat beat the Spurs, of course, by five. In Miami. against a team that was missing four of it’s five starters because coach told them to stay home. Gutsy call, that. unpopular call, that. Right call, that.

Best game of the year, right that.

The Kid is alright

as brilliant as LeBron has been in these playoffs, Paul George has been twice that. pay attention to the kid in yellow, yo. That Granger injury has opened up the floor tremendously for George and he’s responded in kind. Kid tore through the regular season like no one’s business and continued to carry these Pacers on his back. He’s lead by example on both ends of the floor, earning his first All-Star birth in year three of his career. He’s playing against the Super-Heat, in the Conference Finals, in the third year of his career.

George has been everywhere on the court. Leading scorer. Defensive stopper. Floor general. Motivator. Leader. and that’s the difference, i think, between the teams. Indiana has a leader. Miami does not. as hard as LeBron plays, everyone will delegate to his genius. as he wants it. but George isn’t that way. there is a system, one that George fits into. It’s never give the ball to the Kid and let him run wild. No, it’s give the ball to George and work it around for that shot. he can get his, yes, but he wants everyone else to get theirs, too.

LeBron IS an unselfish player but far too often he finds himself on the receiving end of mediocrity. his team has let him down, just like it did in Cleveland. it’s the opposite with George. His team has bolstered his already insane confidence. and they are reaping the benefits.

NBA Rant: Out of the Frying Pan

Tue, 21 May 2013 00:12:09 -0400

The Heat are the favorites to win the NBA title. sure, i get that. they’ve played fantastic team hoop as of late. It helps tremendously that they play is a horrifying weak east. it also helps that the most dominate player in the league plays on their team. The Heat have a good chance to repeat. If they played another team from the East. but that’s not the case. as it stands, they might get bounced pretty hard. They have, in their way, the Eastern Conference San Antonio Spurs.Danny Granger might be out but the Pacers found new life in their young phenom Paul George. If Paul Pierce is the Truth then this kid is Gospel. And he’ll only get better. but that’s not why the Pacers can put out the red hot Heat. no, that distinction belongs to the dominant presence in the post that is Roy Hibbert. Sure, he started slow but in the last series and a half, dude has been horrifying around the bucket. Melo said it himself, dude makes it difficult to penetrate. Bron might be big enough to get a sht at the cup but Wade? Chalmers? Cole? hell, Bosh? nah. Hibbert is going to deny the easy look and, at the very least, change those shots. Miami hasn’t faced a team with a center like this one yet. Beyond that, the match ups favor a defensive game and that has the Pacers on it all day. Miami might have a chance, a decent one to make it out of the East. it’ll be hard. It’ll be physical. it’ll be nasty. It’ll be some outstanding Basketball to watch.
Let’s say, best case scenario the Heat make it out in six. They WANT to see Memphis. that’s who they’d like. Miami matches up well with Memphis, on the wing. but, in the box, between Z-Bo and the Younger Gasol, there is a problem. 14 feet of it. If the Heat can;t run, and Memphis has systematically taken that away, they’ll be in trouble. Count of forty rebounds between the Two Towers but it doesn’t stop there. Mike Conley is playing like a man possessed. the dismissal of Gay has opened the floor and this kid’s game. he is the floor general and i have never seen him make better decisions on the court. Conley is better than every Point on threat Miami squad and he puts Defense first. Chalmers will be frustrated. he will miss shots. LeBron will try to take over taking shots away from his team. it’ll be rough. I’;m not even going to get into the excellent perimeter defenders in Allen and the wily vet, Prince. If Indiana was a fight, getting Memphis in the Finals would be an all out brawl. Bloody and vicious. even then, Miami might be able to pull this out in six or seven. but that’s the BEST case scenario for a repeat.More than likely, and much to the chagrin of King James, Miami will see the Spurs. This is a death sentence for an Title hopes the Heat have. to be blunt, they can;t match the Spurs. it’s not a thing that is even reasonable. The starting five for the Spurs is experienced and aggressive. they can play two ways; young and fast or cagey and slow. they’ve been to eight Conference Finals in sixteen years. never missed the playoffs. Their big three has One NBA MVP, Two Finals MVPs, a sixth man, and 11 titles between them. Three guys. Ginobli will cancel out Wade. Parker will outplay every Point guard on that Miami squad. Tim will embarrass Bosh, just like Dirk did two years ago.These are facts. LeBron will abuse Kawhi, sure, but Tiago will get the better of Anthony. Not enough? need more reasons? how about that bench?The Spurs bench is loaded to the gills. you HAVE to honor T-MAC. even at his advanced age, he’ll go off for 20 and 10. and think of his opposition. Ray Allen? nope. Rashard Lewis? you’re kidding. but let us continue. The human highlight real, Danny Green can stretch the floor AND throw it down your throat. not enough? Twin enforcers in Boris Diaw and Dejaun Blair get a fresh chance to bully the paint in brand new ways. coming off the bench makes sure they’re ready to punish. i got a few more to throw at you. the Red Mamba himself, Matt Bonner, ready to assassinate you with that deadly deep ball. He mutilated the Grizz last game with it. 56 percent as a team? 6 for 6 to start? really? and, of course, Gary Neal; the guy that damn near beat the Spurs by his lonesome when Pop kept HIS BEST PLAYERS, four of his five starters, at home. Miami one by five. against Neal and his his merry band of misfits. In Miami.But, more than any other reason Miami is in the sh*tter if they see San Antonio - Pop. Nuff said.If the king wants to keep his crown, he better find a way to inspire his Court to play like they deserve his rule because these last two series will test that benevolence.

NBA Rant: F*ck Seattle

Sun, 19 May 2013 16:44:42 -0400

News has come down that the Kings are going to stay. Bully day, indeed! Sacramento (my hometown) is just a titter with relief. There are new owners ready to take up the mantle, a plan to build a state of the art arena downtown (one the rivals Barclay in both advancement and pretension), and a brand new hope that the Kings will not suck. Hope springs eternal. I wanted to take a moment out of my relatively accurate Playoff calling to indulge these new events. Sorry Seattle, but f*ck you.

Arena
I bleed Purple and Gold, LAkergang till i die, but i can see why the Kings are vital to Sacramento. aside from all of the jobs that would be lost if the Maloofs got their way, the fact that the Kings are staying has forced the city to build a new arena. More than anything, we NEED this arena. In my time away from home, Sac has gone through a hipster Renaissance. Art and culture have taken hold downtown. Tons of clubs, fantastic restaurants, and underground clubs abound. we have become San Fransisco Jr. This is a fantastic thing. Building the arena downtown can only bolster our status. With the newest arena just across from the STATE CAPITOL, Sac would finally be on the map. we’d be able to draw attention to ourselves in a positive manner. Visitors would be able to take in all of this underground culture. Also, it would go a long way to bringing other sports franchises back to Sacramento.

Owners
These new owners know what they’re doing. They want to win and they want to win now. It is my understanding that the top three are billionaires. The front runner, or the face of the franchise, is going to be Vivek Ranadive. This is a man that understands owning a team is not a business, it’s a hobby. This is a Richer pass time and as such, you install people who know hat they are going. He’ll clean house and force a change in culture, one that is sorely needed. Hopefully, getting rid of Petrie and Smart is at the top of his list. While Petrie has done an admirable job, his ineptitude with the Maloofs has proved his sycophancy. Wee need someone to stand against bad management and Petrie is not that dude. Kieth Smart should never be a professional coach ever again. I can’t call the executive moves myself but i do have a few ideas about the roster.

Resign Tyreke
Evans deserves a big contract but not a max one. He isn’t the future of the franchise but he can be a big piece for the future. if you can convince him to stay and develop a mid range jumper, he’s a weapon to be utilized. Late game situations, give the ball to Reke and watching him cause Havok. any other time, he’s an offensive liability, one that you tolerate because his tenacious D gives him leeway. truth be told, i’d use him as trade fodder toward the All Star break but that’s only if there isn’t any growth in his ability.

Build around Thomas
You need a lightning fast Point in this league now and Thomas is that. Jimmer has neither the ball handling skill or court vision to facilitate the Kings’ offense but Thomas has all of the requisite skill. Plus, in time, he can be good for 15 and 15. You need a coach that can bring the best out of him because, as a junior in the league, Thomas has the longevity to develop into something special. He is your floor general and leader. He is the Franchise. Bigs come and go but if you have an All Star Point, everyone on your team is better. Which leads me to my next point…

Dump Cousins
Look, the experiment is over. Cousins is immature and refuses to develop. sure, the potential is there, but when you have Thomson, Aldrich, and Patterson sharing that position, he’s unnecessary. Trade him for an athletic wing, someone who CAN score but is far more tenacious on the defensive end. Someone like Gerald Green or, hell, bring back Crash. Dude would be perfect or a blue collar, earn you wins on the back end, kind of guy. Hell, even Tyrus Thomas can be a nice piece. Plus, if you go for TT, you can get some nice picks and what not in return. Wither way, Cousins has got to go. He’s a poison to the locker room and a void on the court. Basketball is a team sport and Cousins wants to be a star. that sh*t doesn’t mix.

Hire a legitimate coach
Byron Scott is available. So is Jerry Sloan. these guys have a solid track record building teams around Point Guards. if you decide to make Thomas the franchise, and you should, These guys can help him become great. it’ll be a process, no doubt, but in the end, Contention. Spend the money, yo. invest in your squad. A team is only as good as the coach and you need a good coach to get the b est out of them. personally, i’d look at Scott. His schemes pushed the LAkers to their limit regularly and he’d be cheaper than Sloan.

Smokey brand Movie Review: Star Trek Into Darkness

Sat, 18 May 2013 13:17:23 -0400

Alice Even is highly attractive to me. It’s her eyes. They didn’t digitally match them so i got one blue and one green all movie. it was difficult for me not to lose my sh*t whenever she was on screen. also, this happened:

Yeah.

Star Trek II was actually a pretty legit flick. i enjoyed it from the outset to it’s climax. It seemed like there was too much story for the runtime, but everything pretty much ended neatly in a bow. there was no anticlimax, no sense of needing more movie to accommodate all of the plot lines. this one had a mission and it accomplished said goals perfectly. It’s been a long time since i’ve been satisfied with a film in it’s entirety. that in itself is enough for me to recommend seeing this one in Theaters, never mind the awesome CG, apt performances, and brilliant set pieces.

More than any other film coming out this Summer, Star Trek is a movie based on chemistry. The actors need to like each other for you to like them. The first Trek did a fantastic job of establishing that comradery, particularly between Spock and Kirk. that feeling of brotherhood carries over here perfectly, heightened by the inclusion of a brand new cast mate in Alice Eve, Though her part was relatively small and a whole lot superfluous, it was still refreshing to see her interact with the rest of the stars. she fit right into this illustrious fraternity.

As i stated before, Kirk and Spock were magnificent. Pine and Quinto rekindle that Bromance perfectly. you see it in the beginning in a subtle, but emotional manner as Pine’s Kirk disobeys the Prime Directive and again toward the end from Quinto’s Spock, in a surprisingly rampage-y manner, during the climax chase. you are really, really aware that these two guys care for each other greatly and that makes this movie work.

Zaldana’s Uhura is just as sassy and “black” as ever. honestly, i do enjoy her character a lot. she’s a nice contrast to the testosterone fueled shenanigans and spats between the Captain and his number 1, but this outing, Zaldana felt a bit… underused. There was never a point where i was rooting for her, nor was there a lull where i wasn’t. she seemed rather forced to me. that being said, Zaldana does a wonderful job of bringing the character to what little life the script allotted.

Pegg’s Scotty was outstanding again. dude is a scene stealer for real. Urban’s Bones is an outstanding character to experience as always. there’s this slathering in camp in his performance that just lifts the entire movie. Yelchin’s Checkov, although promoted in responsibility, lost a lot of face time on screen. this was a bit of a disappointment because i enjoy his neurotic take on the russian prodigy. Peter Weller, of Robocop fame, was kind of a Southern asshole while Cho’s Sulu made some waves on screen.

The draw, for me however, was Cumberbatch. This is a guy who can act. This is a guy who can take a character on per and give them true life. I never see him in the villainous role, though, so anti Sherlock was quite the draw. and, for the most part, he delivered. during the scenes where he had to be a voracious murderer, Cumberbatch’s Khan was brilliant. It was when we were expected to believe that there was an inkling of emotion, that he feels the same as we do, where the performance got a bit melodramatic. you’ll know it when you see it.Everything else was just brilliant. Make me froth for his portrayal of Smaug.

The direction was on point once again. Abrams is a rather skilled director, taking the vision he has and conveying that to the many actors, and personalities, on his sets. I don;t think i have ever seen an Abrams production that i didn’t like. i mean, there’s Lost, but that was more hype than actual disappointment. In a world where Snyder gets to touch Superman and Bay get Transformers, it’s a relief to know that Abrams gets to captain the Start trek (and Star Wars) ship. From the breathtaking long shots on Cronos to the epic dive of the Vengeance, Abrams has a goal and he deftly maneuvers the audience to that end.

Overall, i enjoyed this movie tremendously. There are a few nit-pick things here or there that kept me from giving it a resounding endorsement but, as far as summer blockbuster sequels go, this is the best one out so far. That being said, The Hangover 3 and Man of Steel are in the wings. this title might be lost soon enough.

Smokey brand Movie Review: Iron Man 3

Sun, 05 May 2013 22:38:52 -0400

First things first, Gwyneth Paltrow has finally won me over as Pepper. I was skeptical she could pull it off but this movie showcased her depth with the character perfectly. It helps tremendously that she looked like this for half her scenes.
Yeah man.

Iron Man 3 has all of the pomp you’d expect from a Superhero Summer Blockbuster but none of the character. It’s definitely not as soul-less as Transformers 2 but it feels inferior to it’s predecessors, particularly following Whedon’s excellent Avengers outing. Since all of these flicks link up like Voltron and create this overarching narrative, you’d think there’d be a bit more development with Tony.
This was touched upon with his anxiety attacks but they never came at inopportune times. it was like, left to his own devices, perfectly safe and secure, he spazzes out. Never when mutant super-soldiers are burning their way through his suit. never when the only person he loves more than himself is injected with genetic recoding serums. When Tony is on, he’s Iron Man. You think having missiles fired into your living room would incite some sort of panic but nope. cool as a cucumber.
Suspending my disbelief with that noise,the movie itself was everything you’d expect from a summer outing. there were grandiose and over the top set pieces. the aforementioned home demolition was a sight but the House Party at the end? that was amazing. Tony jumping from armor to armor was Jarvis controlled his entire Armory was incredible. I enjoyed tremendously, Tony donning the Silver Centurion suit. my inner fanboy squeed like a chick in the throes of passion. Pepper in her Extremis underoos was also a treat. completely out of character but a delight, nonetheless. Rhodey was awesome, as always, and even The “Mandarin” was decent. The twist was a little… unfortunate but i liked the narcoleptic, drug addled thespian as a character overall.
The Extremis was never really elaborated on beyond it’s bare bone explanation in the beginning of the film. I found this to be rather cumbersome, particularly in regards to their recovery ability. Early on, there was an explosion at the Chinese Theater in LA that one of the superpowered soldiers walked away from but, a few scenes later, Tony killed one with a substantially smaller explosion. One of them even took a repulsar to the face at point blank range only to recover minutes later yet, the same guy gets a hole blasted in his chest with the UNI-Beam and dies? inconsistency, yo.
Killian was kind of ridiculous as the primary super villain. As a faceless mastermind, that Suit in the Shadows, he was fantastic. Every bit the charismatic, intelligent, and capable nemesis the Iron Man needs. Evil Tony Stark? Killian nailed that. and then he spit hot fire at Rhodey. at that point, i was done. Never used this ability ever again in the film either. just this one time. sh*t was ridiculous. Would have come in handy as an anti air offensive during the climax as all of those suits were flying about.

The acting was pretty legit. Downey’s Stark is going to be one hard act to follow if he decides not to re up. i mean, the guy IS Tony Stark. he’s not even acting. he’s just being himself, one hundred percent of the time. sh*t’s awesome. Cheadle’s Rhodes keeps chugging along in the same vein. he’s far more Tony’s equal in this outing and it’s a goddamn shame the two of them did not have more face time together. I’d love to see that dynamic explored further. Like, give Rhodey a War Machine movie and let Cheadle go to work. that’d be fun to watch. Or a buddy cop flick with the two of them. Lethal Weapon with Armored Suits. i can dig it!
Pepper is vexing in the sense that she, as a character, has grown considerably. this is no more apparent than in how Gwyneth is portrays her. but there are some scenes, particularly toward the end, where i just think, “This is not Victoria”. that can be direction, that can be script, i don’t know. Guy Pearce’s Killian is awesome, until he gets hammy. Which happens when he needs to be the most sinister, the most insidious. i mean, i touched on it before, but really” the n*gga turns into Godzilla and just puts his Miami Vice coat back on like it’s a f*cking Tuesday! If i have to look at it objectively, dude was phenomenal as Aldrich but, goddamn, shenanigans! like, the second half of that character, the second you find out he’s the antagonist, shenanigans.
Kingsley was awesome. Not going to get into the character too deep, but his performance was very refreshing. Didn’t care for the liberties taken with the “Mandarin” themselves, but, hey, re-imaginings are all the rage. Everyone else was kind of adequate. Wanted to see more of Szostak’s Brandt though. Those scars and that crazy made me smile. In my pants. Shame she “died” so quickly. Dale’s Savin was so-so. really wasn’t impressed with the character or his portrayal.

Overall, this was a serviceable film. It portrayed a singular, self contained story about hero versus villain. there was no growth or lessons learned by anyone here. Favreau’s outings always dealt with the human element of the characters. Stark had to reconcile his part in the torture and rape of worlds in the first. He then had to deal with the cost of being Iron Man and the looming death of his choices in the second. This one feels like, as hard as it tries, a missed mark. It came very naturally in the first two and never quite congeals in this third. As a fan of that over-arching narrative, i was disappointed the lack of development but, as a film, the effects and chemistry between actors is enough to keep your attention.
This is a fantastic ride with a soul-less ride, to be sure.

NBA Rant: Season's End

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 19:06:28 -0400

The season is over. the post season is starting. we’re two games into round 1 so it’s time i pitched in my two cents.

Earl Clark is the Future
Earl Clark is ridiculous. ridiculous. 25 years old. 6 foot, 10 inches tall. lengthy. lithe. Aggressive and overwhelmingly tenacious. Clark plays like he was raised in the Jordan era of hoop. kid is still raw, three year int the league on bad teams will do that, but he got his shot in LA. Playing along side the tenacious Vino has rubbed off. the kid has averaged 30 minutes a game this season, expanding his skill base while earning the trust of the hardened Bryant. That’s a difficult thing to achieve; Bryant trusting you with the ball as the clock winds down. Kid reminds me of LaMarcus Aldrige, who happens to be my favorite player in the league. Give him time, keeping him close to Coach Vino, and that kid will be absolutely great.

Paul George is the truth
PG will absolutely be the reason the Pacers are in the East Finals. there is no team built to stop these kids. none. Defense is paramount and they are playing that sh*t like their coach is named Pop. but it’s George making Vogel look like a savant. Kid took the summer real serious. Real. Serious. That loss to the Heat last year? Yeah, that made the kid hungry. like, starving so bad he’d cut off his own foot to stay the pangs hungry. This drive, lead him to the Most Improved Player award this season, a feat he accepted with all the grace and humility of a hard nosed competitor.
”I think I can play at an MVP level. I think that’s very much within reach,”
Kid is three years into the league. Three. and he’ll back it up. Unlike Hubbard, who signed that big ass contract and disappeared for most of the season, George has been right there. With DG out in the first five games, George was the King of Indiana and he treated his subjects well, thanks to a newfound diligence he attributed to the King of LA, the Ageless Vino, himself. During the summer, while training with Team USA, he George had this to say about his entire experience;
”It was huge. Me, growing up, idolizing guys like Kobe, watching his whole regimen, watching what time he got up to work out, watching what he was putting in his body. The younger guys, we was totally the opposite, so I had to kind of take notes and follow what they were doing.”
90’s hoop might not die off after all. Between this kid and Earl Clark, the future of hoop is looking a lot better.

Smitty is Number 6 of the year
Shoulda been J. Crawford but, you know, politics.

Breakups to Makeups
Mike Brown is the head coach of the Cavs for a second time. after such a messy divorce, it’s hard to think this will work effectively. besides, Brown is mediocre at best when it comes to calling plays. out of a time out, he’s awful. i wonder how long it will be before he alienates Kyrie? doesn’t matter, that kid has eyes for LA. it’ll be nice to see him in LAker gold soon.

KD is tired of being number 2
Yeah, good luck with that, yo. Particularly when the number two on YOUR team thinks he deserves the number one spot.

NBA Rant: Thirteen

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 15:40:49 -0400

There are thirteen days left until the playoffs. thirteen and then some of the most explosive games in the last ten years will be played. The LAkers are hungry and desperate. with an eighth seed date with the Thunder or Spurs, their series should be fun to watch. Kobe is striking and threatening retirement. Win Now or lose arguably the greatest to play since his Airness. Miami is looking like a Dynasty right now behind the play of their benevolent, malevolent monarch, King James. Melo is playing like a guy who was last picked of his rookie class, to get that championship shine. yes, the Playoffs will be fantastic. so, before we elevate to those lofty heights, i wanted to take a minute to look back and address.

Kobe is the greatest player to step on the court, in the last twenty years
You can scream LeBron. pale comparison. You can call Carmelo. dude is a pure scorer, sure. You can even argue Durant, and i’d agree to an extent, but the kid is too young in the game. Kobe Bryant is the most complete, active player in this league. He means as much to this current generations of youngsters as Jordan did for him. true story. name another player who can match his skill set right now, at his size. The only one i can think of is Timmy D but his abilities have depleted. Kobe has been in the NBA for sixteen years. He’s still putting up 27 a game, while outperforming even his MVP season in efficiency. The fact that, so far into his career, we still consider him the third best player in the world is obscene.with that being said…

KOBE DON’T GO!
I am old enough to remember when Magic retired. sh*t broke my heart. i am old enough to remember when Jordan retired the first time. it broke everyone else’s heart, yo. Kobe is going to retire, soon, but next year is TOO soon. he’s got three more years in him. i ant to see those three years. i want him to move into the number three all time scorer position. and most of all, i want him to win number six. Kobe has been a LAker for as long as i can remember, a rarity in today’s league. When he goes, the nineties go with him. all that will be left is a bunch of fundamentally flawed, uber athletic assholes who refuse to develop a mid range jumper and think defense is only chase down blocks or the occasional steal. Basketball as i know it will die with Kobe Bryant’s retirement. Kobe, don’t go! please, man, please give me three more years of sound, grit-n-grind hoop! i’m not ready to concede the LeBron era just yet!

Miami might be serious
After that historic run, Miami is looking like a team ready to rampage through the playoffs. LeBron is carrying this squad into legitimacy, which i knew would happen. Getting that first ring is always the hardest but that sh*t is vindicating. After Jordan got his first, three-peat. after Kobe got his first, three-Peat. Timmy-D got his in a lockout season and followed it up with three more in seven years. Magic got his his rookies season on the way to four more and title of greatest LAker. LeBron is poised to be dominate for the next seven years, with an unheard of potential in regards to championship runs. It help tremendously that Wade is also playing like a man possessed and Bosh is more than just court decoration. I have Miami out of the east. you gotta. they’re there best out there. and depending on who they see in the Finals, number 2 of 8 might be a given this season.

Melo is doing it big right now
coming off an injury has done little to stay this cat’s championship appetite. He and Smitty went for 80 the other day and Carmelo has put up 40, alone, in the last three games. He’s got these Knick kids on an 11 game run, firmly staking their claim as number two in the East. It’s going to be an interesting situation if these cats see the Heat in the East Finals. They match up well and, while LeBron is a far more physical presence, i’d have to give Melo the edge as far as skill. he’ll sharp-shoot the Heat into oblivion given the chance. The Heat are going to have to play solid defense to stop this run, yo.

The West is still ridiculous
OKC is trying their best to shake that Finals collapse from last year. The Spurs are still sipping that youth elixir and find themselves atop the West rankings for a third straight year, even if they are without Manu for the foreseeable future. Denver is the consummate team, behind the play of their burgeoning superstar Ty Lawson, shaking all of those Iggy free agency rumors. The LAkers are showing flashses while the Clippers are starting to flicker. and then there’s Golden State. the dark horse. the team no one is talking about. the team that will upset someone in a few weeks. their defense and unselfish play have those kids in position to make some noise in the post season. once again, ever since Jordan retired, it’s the West on top.

NBA Rant: The Coronation of King James

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 19:53:55 -0400

Heaven help me, i am a fan of LeBron James again.

The Heat are playing winning basketball. Bosh looks like a man on the court as of late. His post play has been absolutely phenomenal. Wade has recaptured a bit of that 2006 form. He’s not dominating like he used to but it’s more than enough to befuddle hapless defenses league wide. Ray Allen has been in a slump, for sure, but shooters always shoot their way out of that. give him some time. Mario Chalmers and Norris Cole are combining to become one helluva point guard. Birdman has been a pretty acute acquisition, flustering offensive players around the bucket with a precision that earned him is over payed contract with Denver. Spo is as pitiful as ever but, with a 24 game win streak seemingly unbreakable if they get past the Spurs sunday, the Heat have been brilliant.

and if that team is brilliant, then Lebron is Stephen Hawking.

Kid is shooting his highest field goal percentage, ever. last i check, it was in the low to mid sixties. yo, entire teams LUST to shoot that well from the floor. there were a few games sprinkled in this year where he literally missed one or two shots. shenanigans! how do you shoot ninety percent from the field, yo? what kind of tomfoolery is that? which leads me to my next point; efficiency. LeBron’s efficiency, the rate he takes good shots, is through the roof. In the last six minutes of that C’s challenge, Bron personally facilitated the last fifteen points of offense. and i say facilitated because he didn’t score fifteen. he scored eight and assisted for seven in the game that will forever be known as “The Assassination of Jason Terry”.

The Jet was shot out of the sky.

Rallying from a deficit in the hostile Garden, against a Rondo less but still very resurgent Celtics team, Bron took control late. he imposed himself on those final twelve minutes. Weathering a 43 point outburst by the cagey Jeff Green, the King put on his crown and lead his court to victory. Then the streak continued. Onto his abandoned Cleveland and rallying from 27 down, James pout the Heat on his back once again and, in an OT victory, showed what he is made off.

The Heat are at Kobe and counting.

LeBron is playing the player i thought he would be when i saw him embarrass the Kings way back in 2003. Even is he did run away from the Celtics to South Beach, this LeBron is the dominate, aggressive, floor general the Heat need to win. He is the glue to this squad right now and they’re playing outstanding hoop because of it. Keep in mind, this is coming of leading the USA to Gold not seven months ago.this is coming off winning his first NBA title* not even a year ago. The first one is always the hardest but i called it back then, LeBron will play the best basketball of his career after this first title. and he has been. and he has his team in the position to repeat. i still don;t think they have enough to beat a veteran western conference team (Pop, Timmy D and their Spurs will give the Heat a run for their money if they meat in the Finals) but they’ll murder the East, handily.

Just as Jason Terry.

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Oz the Great and Powerful

Sat, 09 Mar 2013 15:58:11 -0500

I had a fantastic f*cking time with this flick. Fan-goddamn-tastic. I’ve seen a lot of three star reviews for this movie, and in all truthfulness, it is just that’ a really good but not exceptional film. the thing it, it’s not for a lack of trying.

Right off the bat, you’re charmed by Franco and his egotistical take on Oz. He is an absolute scoundrel, someone you do NOT take home to mother, but he’s completely honest about it. Honorable rogue is the best way to describe him and he plays that up to a perfect pitch. You see him, Oz, not so much evolve into a better man but slowly accept that the greatness he wants is already there, he just needs to stop trying so hard to achieve it. that’s a hard thing to convey as an actor; that slow self-understanding. At it’s core, this is the tale of a man, beaten down by life on earth, doing extraordinary things in Oz, only after accepting his true strengths and very real weaknesses. James Franco is definitely the draw here.

Mila Kunis as the love struck Theodora was a delight but for different reasons. Mila is one of the greatest actresses of my generation, true story. but in this flick, she’s all ham. to call her performance campy would be an understatement but it fits, particularly after she transforms into her green face. true story, even when trying to make her scary and scarred through makeup, Mila is still the hottest woman in this flick. Her story as Theodora is a tragic one, and if you can get through the stink of the cheese, it’s also a very human tale. a lonely, beautiful young girl is swept of her feet by a handsome, charming, older man from out of town. futures were imagined but hopes were dashed upon perceived betrayal. People say money is the root of all evil. in this tale, it’s love that plants those trees.

Joey King’s China Girl kept breaking my heart, man. Over and over, i could feel my heart sink. chick just kept getting sh*tted on in life but she kept trucking, kept fighting. When she got her gift in the end, i damn near stated bawling. true story. i was sitting behind a gay couple and they turned around to make sure i was OK. hilarity. it’s a rare thing for me to react to, well, anything that profoundly. Forrest Gump and Monster’s Inc are really the only movies where i openly shed tears. China Girl’s narrative was definitely one of those rare occasions. if you’re not moved by her story, you’re a monster. and that’s coming from a monster.

Michelle Williams and Rachel Weisz were both outstanding in their respective roles as Glenda and Evanora. Rachel was particularly sinister as the original wicked witch. Little surprised by how ruthless this chick was. testament to her acting prowess. Braff was a delight as Finley, a little known character that act’s as Jimminy Cricket to Oz’s Pinocchio. Bill Cobbs and Tony Cox were underutilized in this film considerable. Their characters, Master Tinkerer and Knook, were instrumental in Oz’s sacking of Emerald City and they just kind of… never were around. The Master Tinkerer in particular. i felt his screen time warranted more than the meager 10 he accrued in the film’s last 40. Overall, the cast was amazing and well put together. there was a lot of chemistry between the main characters, particularly Braff and Franco, giving them something tangible to play off of and it shows in this movie. Even with all of the camp, Franco’s straight man is more than enough to ground you in the surreality of Oz.

The movie itself is absolutely lovely. Raimi has a way with camera angles and cinematography which carries over into this film. I didn’t the “historical footage” filter he used while Franco was still on earth but i understand why. Added another layer to the experience, even if i felt like i was watching poop on reels. Oz itself is very reminiscent of Burton’s take on Wonderland. In fact, i’d go so far as to say this was Raimi’s best impersonation OF a Burton flick. I can totally see Johnny Depp as that rapscallion Oz and the immortal Helena Carter playing the hell out of Evanora. Mila would probably come through far more sinister as Theodora to boot. or even Mia Wasikowska! i think she could have been a brilliant Theodora. but that’s all just wishful thinking. With the exception of a few pacing problems, Raimi did a fantastic job with this movie.

Disney did this one justice. i’m pretty sure MGM has rights to Dorothy and co. so we won’t be seeing a Raimi adaptation of the entire Oz universe which is a shame. i think, if Raimi was allowed to create an inclusive Oz universe like Jackson did with LOTOR, it’s be a pretty amazing experience. here’s hoping execs see reason and not dollar signs. See this movie! it’s not the greatest of flicks but as far as the opening shot for that mad summer rush, it’s bloody brilliant. the performances are there, the film is shot beautifully, and you might be surprised by a few scenes. i was. completely worth the 13 dollars!

Swoon.

NBA Rant: MJ over MJ

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 15:54:00 -0500

Who is the best player to ever play the game? Most would say Michael Jordan, and they’d be right. but i want to make the argument that Magic was just as profound a player a Michael. For me, it was Magic. It has to be. If i were to start a franchise from scratch, i’d pick Magic over Michael, all day. Michael, for all of his highlight plays and championship runs, didn’t do it for seven years. He struggled in purgatory during the 80s, playing like Afro Kobe. Greatness, true enough, but individual greatness. Michael was never known as a teammate, but a fierce competitor. And that’s why the Bulls waited nearly a decade for a title.

Magic? he stepped onto the NBA court, into an NBA title. his rookie season, he won the highest Basketball accolade possible. he won Finals MVP. a rookie in the NBA, in the biggest game of of his life, Magic played every position on the court. and he did all of this, coming off beating Larry Legend in the NCAA finals little over a year before! That college game is STILL, some 30+ years later, the highest rated college Final in the history of sports.Taller than Jordan. As quick as Steve Nash. Handles like Steve Francis. Finishing at the bucket like LeBron. You’re not suppose to move like that. not at that size. not at that position. it’s unfair for the other team but it’s Magic for the league.

You put Magic on the LAkers, and a dynasty happens immediately. You put Jordan on the Bulls, and you have the best show in sports. Jordan didn’t start winning until he adjusted his game to play more like Johnson. and that’s the rub. You play like Magic, you win titles. Kobe learned that. LeBron learned that. Westbrook needs to learn that if the Thunder want to win. and, for me, that’s where it starts. you find a point guard and build your team around them. Shooting Guards are fantastic scorers. Small Forwards are outstanding everymen. Power Forwards play a brutal, physical game. Centers can dominate every minute of a season. but, if you want all of these players, these individuals with individual talents to mesh, it starts at the point. and Magic is the greatest Point to ever step on the court.

Finals record 84 assists? in six games? that’s literally 28 points a game. On passes. those are points GIVEN to his teammates BY Magic. He did that. AND he threw in 18 points a game himself. Cat facilitated 46 points of pure offense on his own. plus, just cuz he could, another 7 rebounds a game. all of that, from one player, his fifth year in the NBA, in ONE Finals series, against Bird’s C’s. That sh*t is Magic, yo. Jordan? he’ll get you that 46 on his own. but he’ll do it at the sacrifice of his team. You don’t average 30 points a game for an entire career AND dish for 11 assists. Jordan put it best himself; He was the best One-on-One player in the NBA but Magic was the best TEAM player. and Basketball is a TEAM sport.

for the record, Jordan’s overall offense was around 42 points a game, counting points and assists. Magic’s overall numbers? 41.5. Magic also pulled down one extra rebound a game. Dominance, yo. in two very different ways, but dominance all the same.

Give me Magic to start my franchise over Jordan, any day of the week. That’s the problem with the NBA right now; It’s not about Magic anymore. It’s all Jordan brand. That individual supremacy, that one-on-one dominance. the NBA is filled with so many Answers and Iso-Joes.The beauty in basketball is when the ball moves. that passing, that ballet of bodies and athleticism. That’s what makes hoop so special. Magic was maestro of all that. Jordan couldn’t run an offense like Magic. LeBron chooses not to. Kobe can’t. Durant can’t. but these guys are considered the best in this era. all because Jordan dominated the game as an individual, like no one before him.

Except for Magic, who dominated the game as a teammate, like no one before him. and probably no one after.

NBA Rant: Kings Ransom

Sun, 24 Feb 2013 15:14:00 -0500

Another trade deadline has come and gone. Moves were made. some moves that should have been made, weren’t. Pau Gasol, i’m looking at you. i wanted to take the time to address these situation and their ramifications and kind of speculate what could have been. First thing’s first, The Kings.

The Kings traded away the number five overall pick in this year’s draft, Thomas Robinson to Houston for Patterson. in the package, Honeycutt and Garcia were also dumped. From a roster standpoint, this was a solid trade. from a contention standpoint, sh*t is foolish. Robinson was the only player in the top 10 draft class of this year to not start. sure, you give JT those minutes, but you definitely get the kid 20 to 25 of the bench. His potential was incredible. Trading him away is as shortsighted as sending J. Will to Memphis, letting Crash walk, and firing Rick Adelman. Mistakes. This is the Maloofs, yet again crippling the future of this franchise.
What i think should have happened was something no one would even consider. Move DMC. Cousins is not going to mature and the Kings won’t hire the coach with the necessary chops to force him into accountability. Dude is the Jamarcus Russell of the NBA. True Story. What needed to be done was, at the very least, shopping the kid for veteran help. Send the message that he is expendable. Shipping him to Orlando for Big Baby would have gone a long way for maturing this team. You already have a confidant, vocal, tenacious leader and floor general in Thomas. Couple him with a garbage man, defensive stalwart with a ring like Davis, and you have a legit playoff contender.
Send Thorton on his way as well because his stock is high and dude is useless in comparison to the much better post of shooter, Jimmer. I’s ship him to the Clips for Grant Hill or Crooklyn for Stackhouse. Budget defenders and savvy Vets are needed to coral that locker room in since the coach is sh*t. You Keep Honeycutt and Thompson as future prospects and develop them as starters or 6th men. Rearrange your roster as such;

Point - Isaiah Thomas: Kid demands court time and on-court respect. He has the eye and the passing necessary to put the ball where it needs to be. He can also cut to the basket when necessary and is wet from about 15 in. by his third year, dude should have a reliable three and even better basketball IQ. HE is your franchise, not Cousins. build around Thomas and you’ll have success for years to come.
Shooter - Tyreke Evans: I’m torn about this one because Tyreke has no shot. he’s a slasher, like Wade. Dude needs the ball in his hands to create his offense. this won’t jive with Thomas, who needs the ball to facilitate for the rest of the team. However, at the bottom of the shot clock or with a few specific plays run for him, Tyreke is one helluva weapon. This is what those Vets are for. You get Stackhouse or Hill to consult, teach the kid how to play without the ball and develop a wet shot and get the kid integrated into a far better offense. if not, either run him at the 3, a position he is familiar with because Smart is an ass, or trade him for more assets. you want depth because you have a star in Thomas.
Smalls - Glenn Davis: This is a position Baby is built well for. you don;t need production out of the three for the kings. that will come from the 2, 4, and the 5. You need a garbage man in the 3, a Gerald Wallace. a Pit bull. Davis is all of that. He’s not a star but he is a fantastic team mate and diligent starter. He’ll fight for every board and get you garbage points consistently. The fact he’s played center means he can bang with the best and a summer of slimming down will give him more quicks off the dribble. he’ll need those to stay in front of your LeBrons and your Carmelos. He’ll be your Scottie Pippen behind Thomas’s Jordan. Unless Reke can either get bigger or learn to shoot. Then i’d move him here, put Jimmer at the two and bench Baby for 6th man.
Powers - Thomas Robinson: This is the mistake made by the kings. T-Rob is 6’10. same size as KD. Taller than LeBron by three inches. Kid’s a little raw, true, but you can’t teach big. and the kid is real big. the LAkers won five titles in 10 years on being bigger than everyone else. with Baby at the 3, T-Rob at the 4, and JT at the 5, that’s a forest grown for titles. If T-Rob had been retained, he’s be dropping buckets in from about 15 out withing three years. lost opportunity, yo.
Big - Jason Thompson: If Gerald Wallace was seven feet tall, he’d be JT. Kid is versatile, tenacious, enthusiastic, and overwhelming athletic. He’ll go face up against Tim Duncan and step out to take on LeBron. He can get you 20 and 10 any night, more if he become the second offensive option on the floor, which is what i’d make him. With Thomas dropping dimes, Robinson cleaning up the boards, and Baby terrorizing the wing, JT can feast on open looks and fast break oops.
Bench: Sac has a DEEP bench. Deep. Jimmer as a backup 2 and Brooks running the second squad point. Honeycutt, as a sixth man, getting the bulk of the reserve minutes, sharing the spot with Outlaw. you’d definitely need to pick up a budget, back up center but that could be accommodated with the Thorton trade or the Cousin’s move. Dude would literally be there specifically to fill space. one of the Collins brothers comes to mind. or some lowly free agent, hungry for NBA shine.

With these moves, The kings have a squad that would, in a few years, contend for titles. in less than three, they’d be perennial playoff participants. and, if the need for a star abounds, they’d have developed assets in Jimmer, Tyreke, Baby, and Thompson as fodder for a blockbuster trade. None of this works, however, if Smart is still the coach. that cat is flaccid. You need someone who knows how to win. someone like Shaw. Imagine the Triangle in Sac, with that personnel. or Sloan. think about Thomas playing Stockton with T-Rob doing his best impression of Malone while JT emulates Ostertag. The possibilities abound. but, alas, none of this will come to pass. T-Rob has been replaced by Patrick Patterson and all the milk has been spilled. Cry over it, Kings fans. it’s all you can do.

Smokey brand Movie Review: Dark Skies

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 00:11:03 -0500

Full disclosure, this is a terrible film. it is. for a lot of reasons. so, while i glorify a certain aspect of this movie, it’s more or less because i enjoy alien lore. The prospect of life beyond earth is a notion that i believe to be mathematical fact. You can scoff but it’s an impossible thing for me to believe, with how vast the universe is, even if we were some cosmic accident, that a similar series of variables hasn’t occurred at least one more time. how ridiculous and egomanical is that? sh*t’s just dumb, yo. If you flip a coin one hundred times, you’re gonna get tails at least twice, yo. anyway, on to the review.

Keri Russell has beautiful legs.

The acting in this flick was pretty pedestrian. i never felt like this family was ever in any imminent danger, you know. the only believable situation was when Keri Russell lost her sh*t and started banging her head into that window. that mess was awesome. freaked the teenage girls behind out something fierce. Speaking of miss Russell, she was a delight in this movie. For such an absurd script, she performed it fairly adeptly, navigated the camp and cliche like a champion rower. plus, it helped a lot that she seemed to be allergic to pants in this movie. chick never had any on, for, like, half the flick. every time i looked up from my game of Tetris, her gams were out for presentation. Good job Keri Russell’s parents!

JK Simmons was awesome as usual. his character, for the 15 minutes he was on screen, was hilarious. wasn’t meant to be but, think about this; imagine that guy from the State Farm commercials that Simmons plays, telling you about digging into his neck to get rid of an Alien implant! sh8t is dramatic comedy, yo! Josh Hamilton was awful, yo. he was literally out acted by that little freckled kid. i think his name was Dakota Goyo but i could be wrong. anyway, HIS angsty teen was a FA more believable character than Hamilton’s “textbook skeptical, solve everything because i got a dick-n-balls-n-boomstick” father character. Annie Thurman was pretty good, too. overall, the acting was what you’d expect from a script so ludicrously hacked together.

The plot is a rehash. literally felt like i was watching Insidious or Super 8 but with little grey aliens instead of ghosts or godzilla. The pacing is what shines through here the most. this flick chugs along at a pretty good clip, moving you from one scene to the next without too many lulls. i assume it would have to considering how asinine everything is when you just stop and think about it. The standout scenes were the freak out pieces. there were some good, unsettling situations in this movie, plausible situations at that. The birds thing comes to mind. that sh*t happens in real life. clever use of true events to mask this sh*tty viewing experience.

In the end, this is a bad movie, yo. it is. but i went into it expecting it to be. i had a good idea of how ludicrous it was going to be and it actually beat my expectations. If i was seriously expecting this to be good, i’d have been upset but because i had the wherewithal to temper my enthusiasm, i had a pretty good time. This is a fun bad movie to watch with friends, for bad movie sake.

Smokey brand Movie Review: A Good Day to Die Hard

Fri, 15 Feb 2013 23:10:09 -0500

I think i have a thing for dark haired, fair eyed russian women, man. First Olga. then, Mila. Now, Yulia. Bad chicks are bad, man. but i digress, on to the review!

So, out the gate, i love DIe Hard. been a fan for years ever since Hans took that unfortunate tumble way back in the 80s. i’m old, man. McClane stumbled a bit with Die Harder (ridiculously awesome title aside) but definitely made up for it With A Vengeance and Live Free or Die Hard was surprisingly adequate. A Good Day to Die Hard hits all of the notes but they never ring true. it’s like Beyonce lip syncing during her concets; you’re upset she phoned it in but the accompanying performance is enough for you not to care.

Willis’ McClane is a delight, as ever, albeit infinitely more cheesy. way too many one liners. His boy, this kid Jai Courtney” he’s bad at acting man. Eye candy for the ladies though which leads me to the amazingly beautiful, surprisingly uninspired Yuliya Snigir. She plays the requisite femme fatale, flaccidly. The best performance in this McClane Russian extravaganza is most definitely the Dancer, Radivoje Bukvić. His portrayal of the jovial, sardonic terrorist-murderer Alik was absolutely delightful. Shame he took a turn toward the end. and by turn i mean, of course, bullet to the face. Overall, the actors do a passable job conveying their requisite plot twists and such.

Speaking of plot, this one was pretty good. Personally, my favorite was With a Vengeance. the story of Gruber Jr. was very much compelling. This newest outing is comparable in scope and extravagance. I was very surprised how everything came together in the end, even though the whole fifteen minute set up in the beginning was a little forced. flick could have used an extra 20 or so to round everything out a bit neater but, overall, great story. the pacing was on point and the action was as one would expect in a Die Hard movie.

The effects in this fifth installment were on point. explosions, car chases, over the top wrecks, slow motion falls; it was all shenanigans. in the end, i enjoyed this movie tremendously. poor acting aside, this is a nice footnote in the mythos of McClane. not the best but still better than the worst. If you got some spare change, check it out.

NBA Rant: Unbelievable

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 23:59:59 -0500

NBA Wednesday, yo! two solid games on tonight and a bunch of news. piece by pieces, imma go through it all!

Unbelievable
That Commercial with Nash, Magic, and Paul? Beautiful.

Mamba is the new Magic
39 assists in three games. 39. Kobe did that. and his scoring has been mad efficient. dude scored 21 on 11 shots the other day. Obscene. Nash is kind of lost in the shuffle but this change has been good. Gasol looks to be adjusting to his role as sixth man and Howard is getting a bit more shine down low because of it. Earl Clark and Jamison are also putting in mad work. over these past three games, the LAkers look legit. they need to get their turnovers down, always their issue, but the chemistry looks much better. Apparently, D’Antoni has given up on his sh*tty system and is letting Kobe do what Kobe does. the end result? wins. We have to go, like, 20 and 12 to get into the playoffs but it’s doable, especially if these cats keep playing like this.

Lebron is brilliant and Miami is getting there, too
Bron-Bron had another spectacular night tonight. he abused the Nets demonstratively. I saw flashes of “Flash” Wade out there tonight. dude made some nights buckets. Bosh was wholly forgotten, per the usual, but Birdman looked confident. This Heat, when playing proper defense, looks like the best team in the East. which isn’t saying much. the East is soft, man. You know how you win in the East? you play like you’re in the West. The Pistons did it in 2004 and won a title. Boston did it in 2008 and won a title. Miami got their Aste-ring by playing East Coast hoop because James Harden disappeared on the OKC. You beat Miami with size. If they end up going against the Grizz or the LAkers, they’ll lose. Bron will shine but the Heat will lose. They better hope they see the Clips or OKC again. Best shot at a repeat right there.

B. Lopez is an All-Star
Speaking of the East being soft, Brooke Lopez of the Nets is an All-Star. Really? Look, i’m not trying to downplay the kid’s shine or anything but Brooke Lopez is a serviceable player, at best. He’s not Tim Duncan good. He can;t win you games. He’s not dominate around the bucket. literally, how many times have we seen Howard abuse this kid on his home floor? hell, how many times have we seen Al Horford abuse that cat on his own floor? he’s not All-Star material, yo. Not in the West. But because there’s a Dwight Howard sized vacuum in the East, one that’s not being filled by a kid name Bynum, Lopez gets the nod. Everything is so crumby out East, yo. Eat your crumbs, B. you might not get any more for the rest of your career.

Rudy Gay is a Raptor now
Apparently, Justin Timberlake is cheap. Instead of paying that luxury tax next season, the Grizz have opted to ship their franchise player, Rudy Gay, to the north. It’s cold up there, eh. anyway, Gay is probably unhappy, particularly after signing that big ass contract instead of eschewing to LA a few years back. Would habe been nice. In this ridiculous trade, the Grizz are getting Ed Davis, another 4 to add to the list of 4s this time seems to collect, and Jose Calderon. Calderon is hot good however as they plan to ship this kid to Detroit fro Tayshaun Prince and some other asshole. so that’s, like, and entire starting squad of bigs. asinine. but that payroll is legit. Title aspirations are bust, but that checkbook is mad balanced right now.

2013 in Cinema

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 20:52:48 -0500

2012 was mad sh*tty for movies. Sure, the Avengers came through and hit hard but, for me, that’s all she wrote. Prometheus was a bust and Hunger Games wasn’t my bag. The Dark Knight Rises was an adequate close to a brilliant trilogy, albeit completely impotent in comparison to it’s predecessor. Overall, meh. 2013, however, is shaping up to be a banner year. Much like the fondness i have for 2002 and 2006, 2013 seems to have the heat. i wanted to take a moment and indulge my cinemaphilia and rampant fanboyisms. because i am, at my core, a total fanboy.

Iron Man 3
I am a fan of the “All Falls Down” movie. you know what i mean, that picture in the trilogy or saga where the protagonist is broken down to his or her barest form. That one story where the villain is so overwhelming, they consume and force the hero to reconcile their very philosophy. The Dark Knight is an outstanding example of that. The Empire Strikes back is another one. Star Trek Into Darkness looks to be a good one. Iron Man 3 looks to be the absolute best of the lot. i want to see this flick more than any other film on this list.

Man of Steel
While i am mad apprehensive about Snyder directing this film, Goyer and Nolan have their hands all over this flick. and they’ve taken in in a com0pletely different direction. Donner did wonders with Reeve but chasing that shadow only diluted the character. rebooting the entire franchise was a brilliant move and, hopefully, Snyder has the vision to pull this thing off. I cannot wait for Brainiac, man.

Evil Dead
Not a huge fan of the original but how can i pass this thing up? that redband trailer was absolutely disturbing. What this movie does is take all of the camp and happenstance out of Ash’s story and replaces it with pure, guttural horror. i love a good scary flick, yo, and it’s a nice change of piece from all of the zombie shenanigans as of late. Sure, it is a remake, but it looks to be a damn good one. helps a lot the guy who made the original has come back for the sequel.

Star Trek Into Darkness
I have no idea what the hell is going on in any of this but Benadict Cumberbatch as a villain? sign me the f*ck up!

The Lone Ranger
The f*ck did i just watch?

After Earth
Dunno what to make of this. Will Smith is good for a blockbuster or two but his Karate Kid? i dunno man.color my expectations, tempered.

Oblivion
Like After Earth but with Tom Cruise. Also, Olga Kurylenko instead of Jaden Smith. that right there is enough to get me in a seat. Olga gets naked in all of her movies. i like it when Olga is naked. a lot.

The Awakening
The f*ck did i just watch??

Carrie
Another remake of an old favorite. My love for Chloe and the original flick is probably blinding me to the quality of this flick but i’ll sit through it regardless. I do enjoy me some crazy chicks, man.

Pacific Rim
Guillermo Del Toro’s homage to the giant robot genre of anime. this think looks like what i imagine an live action EVA would be. gas’d out of my mind for it. If Pacific Rim works and doesn’t come across as hokey like Sky Captain, this can be a mad successful genre for live action cinema.

Dark Skies
Take the 4th Kind and make is legitimately unsettling and you have Dark Skies. not hyped for it but more than interested. it should be a relatively delightful late February diversion if anything. also, good to see Felicity getting steady work again.

World War Z
The f*ck did i just watch?

NBA Rant: Like Fine Wine

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 00:07:57 -0500

The LAkers are looking damn good right now. Damn good. Dwight looks like Dwight and Kobe Bean is the goddamn Mamba. Surprisingly, Metta has been the second best player on the LAkers all season. Defensively and offensively, the old man is playing the best ball of his career. Turnovers continue to be a problem and Gasol is a goddamn enigma but i wanted to take the time and address how ell January has been for the LAker organization.

D’Antoni seems to get it
D’antoniball won’t work in LA. he doesn’t have the personnel. What he has is the best center in the league. the best shooting guard in the league. the smartest hooper in the league. and a goddamn pit bull in Metta World Peace. D’Antoni is starting to understand that. i’m more than certain Kobe/Nash pulled his coat tails and Coach him to knocked that bullsh*t off. Either way, the chemistry is there. not overwhelming, but still growing. The overall team defense has been there. needs to get better but it’s an evolving system right now. and it’s all thanks to D’Antoni stifling his ego (as well as sh*tty signature playbook) and letting the Players play. Good job, Coach.

Pau belongs on the bench
You can’t play Pau on the floor with Dwight at the same time and expect them to produce at any realistic level. they feast in the same spots. the shots will come from the same places. one player will have to be sacrificed in order for the other to thrive and that someone will absolutely have to be Pau. it HAS to be. Keep Pau on the bench or trade him to make it better. these are the only two viable options. it’s nice to get his offensive production, but dude is SO soft on the block. Howard is the better, stronger player. He has all of the potential to put of Shaq numbers, dude has been for the past two games, and he will continue to do so. Earl Clark is solid as a starter. He’s young but the shine will bolster his confidence. these past two games have proven that. and, more importantly, it gives Howard a chance to get started early. and we all know Howard plays better when he has a few duckets under his belt in the first.

Keep Antawn Jamison happy
Have Jamison come off the bench with Pau. that should be enough of a scoring punch to keep opponents at bay until the three headed monster of Nash/Howard/Kobe can come back in and dominate. These two cats are veterans, solid players that know how to score and where to post. more importantly, they play on opposite ends of the floor. Jamison is a shooter. he can drop anywhere on the court. Pau can stay in his comfortable 15 foot radius. everyone eats. everyone is happy. You need to surround these cats with defensive stopper though. a lockdown point. a tenacious three. a big and agile center who’s job is to do nothing but block shots. Jamison and Pau facilitating the bulk of the points for 15 to 20 minutes. scary stuff.

Turnovers and consistency are STILL a problem
The LAkers produce points. they average over 100 a game. they play decent to superb defense in most outings. they almost always out rebound teams. so how is it that we’re two games under .500? turnovers. i watched these cats turn the ball over 4 times in less than two minutes tonight. THAT sh*t is a problem. giving away 8 points is not conducive to decisive and dominating wins. protect the goddamn rock, yo. If the LAkers did that and played better defense, we’d be scary. If we were even slightly more consistent, we’d be a five seed, easy.

all of these things i’ve mentioned are growing pains. This is a squad forged for greatness and put to task under the heat of those LA lights. sh*t can be blinding at times. But this is all part of the evolution of a team. you forge the best swords from the most brilliant flames. The pieces are there and they’re starting to click the way they should. Title aspirations are a bit far fetched as we are now but there are a lot of games left to be played. and right now,. the LAkers are playing their best basketball of the season.

NBA Rant: Good tidings to all

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 02:38:47 -0500

Five NBA games on Christmas day! five games that were suppose to be entertaining and fantastic. Two lived up to that billing. one was tainted by ref interference. the last two were ass whippings. i mean, these cats were laying down the opposition like Marquez laid down Pacquiao! Watching these games taught me a few things about the state of the league and i wanted to dress them here.

The Celtics are legit.
Rondo looked legit. Garnett played like a grown man. Pierce might have a bit left in the tank. Green looks more comfortable in those Celtics colors than ever has in that Thunder orange. Sullinger is for real. This kid is the future of that franchise. Between him, Rondo, and Green, the Cs are gonna be an eastern force for some time. Doc Rivers has his guys running right now. i like how they look, and that’s me saying that as a LAker fan, yo. Miami needs to keep an eye on the old king, man. the Cs have had that throne and their itching to make it back home. if these guys keep playing like this, that might be a very real situation.

The Brooklyn Nets are pretenders to the crown.
300 million later, and Pokorov is left holding the check. The Nets, however exciting (or hyped up) as they were promised to be, were exposed tonight. there are problems everywhere. Where’s the help for D-Will? is Johnson worth the money? the hell is Kris Humphries doing? Should Brook Lopez stay? This is a team that looks eerily similar to the wayward Knickerbockers of last year. they play in the east so they still have a chance to shine but title contention? nah. they’re about four years and three bad contracts away from that.

Nash might be the West Coast Rondo.
Second game back and Steve Nash clocked in 16 points, 6 rebounds, and 11 assist with only 3 turnovers. Yeah, man. With Nash on the floor, the LAkers are who they’re suppose to be. Pau was utilized properly this go round. dude was so hyped, he dunked over Camby tonight! Pau Gasol dunked on someone, man! off a dime from Nash! Kobe got it right, with Nash on the floor, everyone is floating back to their natural positions. that means the comfortability is coming back. that’s five in a row, yo. that’s a .500 record, yo. that’s the LAkers hitting on all cylinders. eventually, Howard will get healthy and it’s a wrap. The Clippers are looking good, but so are the LAkers, man. it’s a problem for the west!
Did i mention The Mamba rattled of his 9th 20 point game in a row? it’s crucial right now, man!

The Knicks are built to be the Heat and no one else.
I love Melo right now. he’s playing some of the best ball of his career. i love Smitty right now. J R Smith is playing the smartest i have ever seen him. Woodson has these guys looking sharp. the problem is, they look sharp for an East team. the East can’t be the West, yo. they play too fast and they play too small. The LAkers has Pau and Howard. the Clippers have Jordan and Griffin. The Spurs have Splitter and Duncan. the Grizz have the best front court in the NBA! Marc Gasol and Z-Bo? really? i like the Knicks. i have them as the number one seed out of the East. but they’re not contenders. take away the three, which is what every legit West team does, and they’re too anemic to title out.

The Thunder got robbed.
I’m not going to spend too much time on this situation because it’s frustrating but the Thunder beat the Heat tonight. it’s not reflected in the score or the win/loss record, but the Thunder beat the Heat tonight. They outplayed the Heat in every way, yo. OKC literally lost this game on calls. that sh*t needs to be looked at seriously. Stern and his goon refs gave Miami this game, man.

The Heat are paper champions.
LeBron is beasting on cats right now but this is a team of imposters. The Thunder, after coming back from an 11-3 deficit in the first, gave these cats everything they could handle. Even with bullsh*t fouls being called (and notoriously not called) left and right, the Thunder found a way to stay in this game. OKC played like champions tonight. the Heat played like ego driven assholes for three out of four quarters. They didn’t deserve this win and if not for two fistfuls of questionable calls, would have lost. a repeat is looking more and more like a pipe dream at this point.

The Rockets might be for real.
Blow out game. moving on.

The Bulls NEED Rose apparently.
Bringing him back will be a mistake though. chalk this season up and look for next season. moving on.

Magic has crowned Lob City as the new Showtime.
and they showed that sh*t tonight. the Clipper looked legit. and with this win, they hold the best record in the West. Clipper Nation is losing their sh*t right now. That Clip Bench is the real sh*t. shades of the 09 LAkers, i think? They’ll make noise in the playoffs but do i think they are title contenders? not quite. next season, maybe, but not now. Griffin needs to be better. they need to win grind out games because the Playoffs are going to be just that’ half court, grind out slugfests.

The Nuggets are the Nuggests, yo.
i like Faried. he’ll look good in LAker gold in a few years. ‘Nuff said.

NBA Rant: Holiday Cheer

Tue, 18 Dec 2012 18:29:34 -0500

Christmas is around the corner and the Knicks gave me one helluva present! woke up this morning and news abound! i wanted to take a little time to address these shenanigans, among others. so, with all of the best tiding, some more rants!

STAT is part of the goddamn Bayhawks
Who is the first D league team ever to get a 100 million dollar contract player? the Bayhawks! Woodson, apparently attempting to put of the grandiose clusterf*ck of Stoudamire’s inevitable return, has sent the once high flyer to the Knick’s d-league affiliate, the Bayhawks. STAT isn’t going to see anytime on the floor with the squad in actual games but since the Knicks need rest, the Other Guys will stand in for a practice squad.
Even if delayed, Stoudamire will be back for assignment and it’s been proven the Knicks are much better without him. so what is the scenario where everyone wins? Trading him is out of the question unless it’s to a desperate team like Orlando. at that point, you might be able to pool a bit of talent for him. but, after his back issues a few years ago and these new found knee tweaks, it’s a little hard to secure that investment. No, STAT needs to be 2 squad Cap. have him run sets as the offensive option on the back up squad. he and Kidd can be an explosive 1-2 punch off the bench. this gives Chandler room to work and Melo the space (and touches) he needs to carry this squad past Miami.

Bynum stunted Bynum’s growth, not Kobe
Kobe is a ballhog, yes. He has trust issues, yes. he thinks he’s Jordan 2.0, yes.He was groomed up through a system where all of these things were goddamn necessary. The triangle is predicated on the Jordan-esque player, yo. you either want Jordan or Wilt. that’s how it’s designed. he also won 5 rings in ten years doing these things. he also carried an anemic squad through the Playoffs, alone, for three years doing these things. He also got YOU your rings, Andrew. you think anyone would be taking a chance on your coked out ass if Kobe hadn’t won your rings? no, you stunted your own growth, Bynum. LA nurtures big men. that’s what we do.
the best, all of them, have found their way through our halls. Mikan. Wilt. Cap. Shaq. these names have hung banners. We have the tools necessary to see you to greatness. how is it that a kid, brought in straight from High School, tutored by a legend, protected by a Buss, and promised the keys to a franchise NOT develop into a dominate force? you’re not getting enough touches? prove that you deserve then. give me a consistent 20-15 games. wow me with 40 point, 25 board explosions. Sure, you might get 10 touches a game. you’re going to catch fould 90 percent of the time. follow through and dominate. Shaq did. Cap did. Wilt most definitely did. Mikan did. hell, even Howard is trying to. and that’s the rub; Bynum never tried.
Kobe has that killer instinct, the need to win. it drives him to championships. Bynum shoots half court threes and pouts on the bus alone. no, Kobe didn’t stunt your growth Andrew. as my little brother so eloquently puts it, “it was all the white women and coke.” maybe you should have developed your footwork instead of treating your nose. maybe then you’d be working on ring number four instead of riding that Phily bench.

Dwayne Wade needs to adjust his game
Wade is old. he is. dude’s already lost his city to LeBron but he’s going to start losing games for his team if some things don’t change. the Heat have started rather lackadaisically. some of that is injuries, some of it is Championship bravado, none of it is necessary. you won a game in a lock out season. good job. you’re an asterisk champion. you’re a paper King. interestingly enough, the only one to show up for this defending squad IS King James! dude’s on a tear right now, one that only exacerbates Wade’s folly.
During that game with the San Antone’s super second unit, the dude missed his first five shots. Layup and dunks. i saw him shoot once during that stretch. sure, could be injuries but so what. you adjust your game. you have to. Wade isn’t the wade of 06. he isn’t even the wade of 08! this is an old man with a lot of wear on his body. this is what is going to happen to LeBron is he doesn’t adapt his game, something the King has already started to do. Wade is not Flash. He is an aging player that needs to accept his game has to change in order to stay relevant. Barkley is right. LeBron is wrong. just because you put up 34 in response doesn’t mean you need to develop a skill set, yo.

Kyrie Irving is the future of the NBA
I watched this kid out-duel Kobe into a Cavs victory a few days ago. there was no quit in him. Broken face and all, he just kept coming. hard. he abused the lanes and found Varajao for some nice looks. In time, he’ll be a force. I like Rose but with his season in limbo, Irving is the closest thing to that almost Isiah Thomas will-imposing dominance missing in the floor general position. He can score. he can pass. hell, even his defensive footwork is growing toward elite levels. by his fifth year, the Cavs will most definitely be relevant again. by his seventh, contenders? sounds like a stretch but this kid has the gifts to make that happen. Fearlessness. Ferocity. fire. that’s what champions are made out of. That’s what Irving is made out of. here’s hoping Dan Gilbert learned his lessons from Bron-Bron.

NBA Rant: Light at the end of the tunnel

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 17:09:50 -0500

My LAkers have been every bit of disappointing this season. for a lot of reasons. Bad coaching. poor team chemistry. hurt superstar feelings. injuries. incompatible coaching systems. LAker expectations. Jim Buss is a f*ck up. overwhelmingly poor ball care. take your pick. for whatever reason, the LAkers have been bad this season. last i checked, they were 4 games under .500 and struggling to win. however, there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. I watched a LAker team last night beat a resurgent Sixer squad, handily. in Philly. i watched them demolish, for three solid quarters, a team that has no business beating the Miami Heat. On their home court. this by no means entails the LAkers are dominating on the Spurs in San Antone, but it does give me a little hope. i wanted toe reserve judgement for this squad until the All-Star break and it seems my faith is slowly being rewarded.

I watched a LAker team put up 110 points last night and limit their opponent’s to 98. Defense. i saw a LAker team limit their turnovers considerably. 14 between 10 players is decent. this has been a trend for the last few games. progress. I watched Dwight get a lot more looks down on the box and much better spacing on the court. Kobe is not Nash but his hoop IQ is just as high. The precision in the pass is just not there with the Mamba but the avenues are. that bodes well for the future.

Nash is on the horizon for a return. reports have him practicing this week. hands on the ball, running sets; i like that. Kobe has already made adjustments and Howard, the obvious number two option and face-in-waiting, has made adjustments as well. They run the floor and post brilliantly. Kobe works his screens to perfection and Howard has been diligent about his free throws. It takes time for this much talent to mesh but the chemistry is there. the potential is there. the only thing missing is the catalyst. i believe Nash is that catalyst. We still need shooters, cats to compliment the D’Antoni system, but that comes later. right now, i just need the Mamba to roam. With Nash doing that, Kobe will get much better looks. oh, did i mention Howard is playing at about 80 percent? yeah, he’s still injured, too.

There are problems, of course, that need to be addressed. What to do with Gasol is a big one. Cat takes up too much room on the floor. he plays in the same areas as Howard. This wouldn’t be an issue if Gasol wasn’t such a goddamn pussy. Since he’s been benched, our PPG game have gone up substantially. the ball moves better. there’s an all around sense of efficiency on the floor. We’ve seen a two big system working wonders out in Memphis for the last three seasons. Marc and Z-Bo dog hard in the box. together. Why is this not a thing in LaLa Land? Because Pau has all of the finesse his brother utilizes but none of the nasty. Why are you stepping outside and taking that jumper when you need to get in close and hurt a guy? you’re seven feet tall, yo. use that. of course, going against the likes of Chandler or Bynum, this is when you defer. this is when you pass off to your enforcer, D12. I feel like there should be much more harmony on the floor right now. maybe it’s because Pau is injured, too.

That was sarcasm. Cat needs to be traded for the next thing that needs to be addressed…

Our Bench continues to be a disappointment. they’ve gotten better but this is not a championship caliber two-squad. The Spurs most definitely have that. Memphis has that. the LAkers had that in 08. you don’t necessarily need that aspect to be on point to win a title, look at the Heat last season, but it helps to rest your guys as much as possible. Pop made a point to prove that this season. i like the moving Jamison to start. he does a lot more for this team than Pau does but i’d prefer to have Metta come of the bench. i feel like his defense, in conjunction with an offensive powerhouse, would be a good fit for the two squad. give him the reigns of that team as sub squad captain and thing would be marvelous.

If i were the GM, and Jim Buss wasn’t such a f*ck up, i’d put Pau on the block.He has 30 mill on the books and a trade kicker so only a desperate team is going to take him. Orlando is thirsty for star power and Gasol is definitely that. they don’t have the assets for a trade though. i like the rumors of Calderon and Bargi though. of the bench, instant offense. you can grow Calderon under Nash for three years and move him to the the starter position after he retires. Calderon/Howard pick n pop? fun to watch. but i am more intrigued by Bagi’s 16 a game. Split his time with the Jamison’s and you have instant offense. Sh*t’s a damn fine look. If the LAkers are looking to contend right now, this is a trade worth making.

in a perfect world, i’d swap Pau with Atlanta for Smith and Lou Williams plus whatever pieces were necessary to make this thing work. The trade i would propose would look something like this; Pau and Blake (or someone with a similar contract) for Josh Smith (who’s in the wind regardless), Lou Williams (Who wants that big market shine) and, i guess, Johan Petro. the salaries are close enough to make this happen and both teams benefit tremendously. Pau is a star that can play with Horford, instantly increase the size of Atlanta while simultaneously dumping disgruntled All-Star Smith. Blake can teach Teague about running the point but ultimately, it’s his soon to be expiring contract that is the draw here. The LAkers get Smith, who’ll probably find his way to LA anyway and Williams can fire all the shots he wants as the offensive powerhouse for the bench. Petro can back up Howard and give some added depth on the defensive end.

In a perfect world, the roster would look like this for MY LAkers;

Starters
Nash: Obviously the Floor general for now. He’ll run the show and groom Clark to follow. Dude should be around retirement age as Clark comes into his own. plus, a few threes here and there won’t hurt.
Kobe: Pound for Pound, best scorer in the league and number one option on this squad.
Smith: That stretch four sorely needed to run with Nash. cat can score, play D, and bullies around the box. a developing three makes this cat a damn fine compliment to Howard’s inside dominance. it helps they played together for years as kids
Jamison: Jamison is more or less a body on the floor. i like the kid and his offensive explosions are outstanding, but, at 6’10”, cat is there strictly to defer dudes form the cup. Also rebounds.
Howard: pound for pound, the best defender in the league. when healthy. definitely the second option for scoring.

and the first unit off the bench,

Morris: heir apparent to Nash in D’Antoni’s system. Right now, he needs to develop. there will be turnovers. there will be missed possessions. but his job is to maintain order on the floor with the second unit, something that can be accomplished with relative ease. Learn, young one, learn.
Williams: Lou is the number one option off the bench. Kid can put loot up in numbers. that’s all he has to do, particularly in D’antoni’s system. kid can be great and, eventually, he will be upgraded to starter once Kobe dies on the court at 73.
Metta: Straight up Enforcer and second squad Cap. more responsibility and leadership for this squad. I’d want these cats to play like the Bad Boy Pistons, bullying the other teams’ squad viciously. Metta is the perfect person the lead by example with that. also, maybe a three or two when open.
Hill and Clark: More bodies to bully. hill can score in the paint but he’s more f a banger. necessary for my two squad. Ebanks needs to get bigger but he can score from 10 in, at a decent percentage. Garbage points twins!
Petro: This dude is strictly deterrence and rebounds. at seven feet, dude needs to bet big around the box. you’re making three million dollars. do that sh*t well.

In my head, the Starters are the offensive powerhouses. it’s their job to run the floor and put up numbers. with Kobe, Howard, Smith and Nash on the floor, scoring is not a problem. moderate defense should be enough to keep these cats in the game. Howard will get his rebounds and so will Smith. Nash is a liability but Jamison is large enough, and mobile enough, to help quick. The bench, for me, has to be the counter to all of those scorers. they need to be defensive stoppers. bully ass kids. Lou Williams is an explosive scoring option but the name of the game is stops. This is the key to the W’s. With everyone else focused on spreading the floor, Williams will have his way down low. The third unit can pretty much do whatever they want. anything they contribute is a bonus.